![]() – “Some say that he knows two facts about ducks and both of them are wrong. – “Some say that he thought Star Wars was a documentary, and that he recently pulled out of “I’m a Celebrity” because he’s frightened of trees, and Australia, and Koo Stark, and Ant, and Dec. And that if he were getting divorced from Paul McCartney he’d keep his stupid whining mouth shut. – “Some say that to unlock him you have to run your finger down his face, like that. All we know is he’s not the Stig, but he is the Stig’s African Cousin.” – “Some say that he’s seen The Lion King 1,780 times, and that his second best friend is a Cape Buffalo. – “Some say that he gets terrible eczema on his helmet, and that if he’d been the video ref in the World Cup rugby final he would have seen that of course it was a try you blind Australian half-wit. – “Some say that he’s banned from the town of Chichester, and that in a recent late night deal he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh. – “Some say that his scrotum has it’s own small gravity field, and because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. – “Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called ‘Steve’. – “Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modeled on Britney Spears’ head. – “Some say that if you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as Piccalilly, and that at this weeks Brit Awards he was arrested for goosing Russell Brandt. ![]() All we know is he’s not the Stig, but he is the Stig’s American Cousin.” – “Some say that he’s a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese. – “Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the Cash for Honours scandal. – “Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and that long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs. – “Some say that his first name really is “The”, and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island they’d all be pregnant, including the camera men. – “Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason he’s allergic to the Dutch. – “Now some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest. – “Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nurburgring, and if you give him a really important job to do, he’ll skive off and play croquet. – “Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and that he’s been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show. ![]() – “Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered he could crack the da vinci code in 43 seconds. – “Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it he could fire Alan Sugar. – “Some say that his ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott. – “Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark. – “Some say he can swim 7 lengths underwater, and he has webbed buttocks. – “Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for 1000 days. – “Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground. – “Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. – “Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world, if you turn your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts. – “Some say that he’s terrified of ducks, and that there’s an airport in Russia named after him. – “Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees. – “Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he’s confused by stairs. – “Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals. – “Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all his legs are hydraulic. – “Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he’s scared of bells. – “Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks this way. – “Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue. – “Some say he’s wanted by the CIA and that he sleeps upside down like a Bat. – “Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. ![]() Each one is linked to the episode in which it was said. The only complete and up-to-date list of Stig quotes on the Internet, listed in the order of which they appeared.
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